My cousin Martha had a particularly hard question for me. One that my sisters, Dad, and cousins make many little references or jokes about on our visits to MD Anderson, but never actually discuss.
It was a simple enough question. She had just one more after the questions she had asked the day before. “I mean, how are you dealing with all this? It has got to be hard without your Mom being here or just being able to talk to her. Wouldn’t it be better with her here just to talk to or do you think, thank goodness she was spared all this”….?
Damn. I hate that question.
This is a tough one, and a question I’m seldom able to choke out an answer for. Our Things to Invent List, that Julie and I started on my first visit to MD Anderson, not only includes inventing a better tasting Barium, an enema-less CT scan, and a color poop chart/wheel for really defining color and shape for your medical team. It also includes trying to come up with something, some sort of Heavenberry device to call Mom. Not every day, just occasionally. Sharon could use it when she needs advice on raising the boys. Do I wish my Mom were here? EVERY SINGLE DAY. Do I wish my Mom were here to go through this? It’s such a tricky question and I still don’t have an answer for it. Ultimately, I think I am thankful she doesn’t have to go through any of this. Maybe the ones who are here, are exactly the ones who are supposed to be here with me. Martha, give me some time with that question. I’m certain it’s something I’ll need to work through with a professional.
The time I spent visiting with my family was great. It made me realize I’m not going through any of this alone. It really is a village. This crazy adventure is happening to all of us and hitting pretty close to home for some who love me. I have a ton of support in many places. Aunt Dorothy reminded me the Methodists are still praying for me. Thank you again for that.
As for tomorrow, I still have my shrinkage number in my head. I feel good about it. I’ve also decided to pretend like I’ve never heard of having an enema with a CT scan in my life. I’ll act totally surprised and indignant, as though I have no idea what the nurse could possibly be suggesting. I’ll say “seriously, I’ve never had one of “those” before and this is my third scan.” It doesn’t take much in the way of silly diversions to make it a bit easier. It will also be Julie’s first time back in the “staging area” before the scan, which should also provide plenty of comic relief.
For my family and friends, who really do believe I will have no problem getting through this “blip in my life”, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your confidence gives me strength.
Photos
smack, smack,
Jan
PS. My niece Haley, who teaches fire safety, suggested I try a stop, drop and roll move to avoid all enema situations.
smack, smack,
Jan
PS. My niece Haley, who teaches fire safety, suggested I try a stop, drop and roll move to avoid all enema situations.
2 comments:
Here is the answer to that question...YES, we all wish she was here. Even though we joke that this journey would have sent her right over the edge. Truth of it is she would have been strong and wonderful during this time. Momma Doris first of all would....
1. Be able to put together those darn puzzles.
2. Know just what to say, instead of having that blank look when you start talking.
3. Know to bring a sweater and socks, because it is always cold in the waiting room.
4. Be on first name basis with Dr. F., he would have loved her.
5. Have a index card with all the important facts, and information that we need.
She could have handled all of this by herself. But since she is not here it is taking an army to cover for her. We are doing our best, and I think Momma Doris would be proud of how we have all come together to fight this. Family and friends, meeting and being able to share stories. If the friends are wondering I have plenty more stories about Janice Kay!!!
Love not hugs
Julie Kay
You are right. And don't forget the countless rosaries. She was a "pray as you drive" gal.
I just got this message from another friend and it is very true: BTW- My guess is that your mom is right beside you through this whole thing giving you the strength and levity you need to make it through...just in a different part of the village.
On another note, you can share Janice Kay stories, just verify whether the "friend" is a poo friend or not beforehand. That is critical, especially if you are going to tell the poo picture story.
Thanks for everything Julie.
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