Spinning Around

Friday marked the end of my 10th cycle on the Avastin/Rad001 study. Time flies. Dr. F. gave me a nice big dose of antibiotics for what may be an upper respiratory infection. The combination of Avastin, antibiotics and my "nerve" pill created an experience similar to what I would imagine it would be like floating on rough seas. The kind of dizzy/nauseous that happens to those who drink too much and must sleep with their foot on the floor to quit spinning. A feeling I seem to recall from my college days.

I hadn't been feeling well for about a week and at last, an upper respiratory infection arose from within. I was thankful it wasn't some new side-effect. I'll feel better in a few days. My blood/urine tests were good otherwise and it was a relatively quick trip to MD Anderson.

I saw the coolest shirt in the Leukemia area on Friday morning. I sometimes have to go there for my blood tests. It's like walking into a party where everyone already knows each other, but could always use another guest. Most of the patients are there daily so there is a sense of community. Not for the faint of heart since the treatments for Leukemia are very aggressive and toxic. A young woman with no hair and a mask was wearing a shirt that said "Jesus Loves You, But I'm His Favorite." She saw me reading it and gave me a big smile behind the mask. She knew. She was very confident.

Karen and Greta went with me to my appointments and hung out with me for the day. We had a great time. I really appreciate the great friends and family who go with me and generally keep me company at the hospital. You know how the old saying goes, "it's not where your fishing but who you're fishing with..."

My next visit is in mid June. Praying for some shrinkage. Anything will do.

smak, pow,

jan

PS. Bill Askins passed away last week after being diagnosed with an aggressive malignant brain tumor in 2007. I heard some truly inspiring stories about Bill's life, his family and his ferociously courageous battle against cancer. My favorite Bill quote and one I have written in many places to remind me constantly is "peace is the absence of fear." My heart and prayers go out to his family for their continued strength.

How to Squeeze a Tumor.

I took some time off. I had to get my head together. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself after my last measurement results, because that does still happen occasionally. That lasted about three days or until my doctors and my therapist set me straight. I don't know if I've mentioned my therapist yet, but they all put their own special perspective on this situation for me. Then I shifted my paradigm. You see, I still had the expectation of a 3cm or 5cm reduction. A reduction is still a reduction right? No matter how much it is. Hell, I'm still packing my robe and slippers in case they walk in and say, "time to go to surgery Jan".

My paradigm had to shift. So I took a break. I read Nancy and Bill™'s blog. http://web.me.com/nancyaskins/B&N_Journal/News_about_Bill/News_about_Bill.html "April 2009
Tumor recurrence, no viable treatment options, started hospice." Keep fighting Bill and stay strong.

My Carcinoid email buddy, Kristy, from North Carolina passed away. Her tumors had spread and they lost control. http://www.phish.com/news/index.php?year=2009 Her last email to me was positive and strong. "Something would work. It had to." She was even looking forward to her college reunion in 2010. Kristy started the Carcinoid group on our CSC site. She was a great inspiration and teacher to those of us who were new to this type of cancer. She gave great advice and was an awesome cheerleader.

I took some time off and I got my perspective back. It took understanding how lucky I really am for optimism to resurface. Thank goodness, I did get my perspective back.

So let's start this again blog from the beginning: My April measurement results were GREAT. The tumor reduced in size by 1/2 cm. We're still in control and we are still getting reduction.

How to squeeze a tumor? I thought is was a better title than putting "Jan's Loses Her Perspective, But Gets it Back". At least three doctors in the last 2 months, I think the tall Italian fellow was a doctor, squeezed the hell out of tami. The smallest ones seem to do the most squeezing. They get on their tip toes and sort of lunge at the tumor. (I won't name names.) The mechanics behind actually getting under my ribs and putting hands on the tumor is quite taxing for both the doctor and myself. Sharon and Julie usually just think it's funny. Don't ask to squeeze tami unless you actually have a PHD and are technically an oncologist or an acupuncturist. (Oh yeah, I have one of those now as well.)

A lot has happened this past month. I'll be more diligent in the future about posting on the blog. Thanks for the support, the cards and notes. I'm still doing great. Really. I'm still a smartass so that's a good sign. And I am very thankful, so thankful, that we are still in control.

smack, smack,
jan

PS. Rest now Kristy. You will be missed.