C-Card Etiquette

It's tricky no matter how you slice it. When to use the information, when to keep it to yourself. I never meant to let it slip. It just happened. And, of all places, at Office Depot. The nice young man started asking technical questions about the voice recorder I needed: what kind of software, blah, blah, blah. And then it slipped. "I need it for a doctor appointment," I said. "Why?," he asked. And then I couldn't think of a cover-lie quick enough so I just said it. "Because the chemo makes me forget things." I could have said anything here. I could have said it was because I have the attention span of a gnat, or because doctors make me nervous, but noooooooo. That young man spent 15 minutes trying to find the recorder I needed, with no luck. He was devastated. If he had had a sewing machine and could have sewn me one he would have. He was on the phone locating exactly what I needed, where, drew me a map, made notes for me, etc. He stopped short of asking to drive me, only because he still had two hours on his shift.

This example is a perfect example of needless c-card usage. In fact, I think the only appropriate use is if you get pulled over on your way to an MD Anderson appointment in Houston. I was given strict instructions from both Sharon and Steph that I would be pulling the c-card in that instance…or more accurately, that they would be using the c-card on my behalf, pointing at me if the officer had any doubts. I've also included a list of other appropriate and inappropriate uses I’ve come across on this adventure:

• Any situation involving public vomiting will need the c-card unless you just don't care if someone thinks you have morning sickness. However, if you puke your daily wheatgrass drink, you'll have other things to explain to ensure no one calls for an exorcism.
• When there are three people and only one camping mattress, you're going to need to pull the c-card and, in my case, clutch your upper right side for effect. (Used this one on my nieces. They won't fall for it again.)

Don’t:

• Any situation involving an embarrassing incident in a public bathroom. Don't worry about using the c-card, just get the hell out of there.
• Don't use it at work if you can help it. It just makes folks worry and you should be able to get by with a "need-to-know" scenario here. Only those who need-to-know and those who have to help you wrangle your insurance coverage.
• e-harmony dating: honesty is the best policy here, but on a need-to-know basis only. Otherwise, they just start worrying about when your hair is going to fall out.
• Let people assume you are not drinking because you are righteous or pregnant. Keep them guessing. No need to use the c-card here. You'll kill the mood of the happy hour, party, etc.
• Don't use it at Sephora. I only mention this one because it almost slipped out when I was shopping for a moisturizer that would work for my drying/aging/over-medicated skin. I stopped there right after the Office Depot incident so I was still not on my game.

I'm sure I'll come across many more instances of proper etiquette with cancer. It seemed like good subject matter tonight because nothing really exciting is happening. I'm on the dreaded day ten of the fourteen-day cycle. The med prescribed to make me sleep through the Temodar tonight is actually making me slightly nauseous and I clearly cannot sleep.

smack, smack,
jan